Disaster Burgers

This was my second attempt at making veggie burgers, and once again, I failed. This past winter I made lentil burgers, which, try as I might, would not stick together in workable patties. On Wednesday I bravely attempted a black bean and mushroom burger that adamantly refused to form any sort of patty shape, let alone that thick, meaty consistency that only restaurants seem to be able to create. Perhaps the most frustrating part of both these experiences is that I had to spend 45 minutes chopping the ingredients into the tiniest of pieces- so much toil for so little reward! My kitchen was a mess when I finished, I was literally starving, and my product was totally unsatisfying. Here's the kicker- I made a huge batch so that I would have a lot left over to freeze. Great, I still have EIGHT black bean crumble balls available for my use.

My ingredients:

1/3 cup uncooked brown rice
2 cans black beans
10 oz. white mushrooms, finely chopped
1 onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 egg
1 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. paprika
Salt and black pepper to taste
and, at the last minute: cayenne and cheddar cheese (what?!)

I sauteed the onion in canola oil with the cumin and paprika for a couple minutes, then added the garlic. After another minute or so I added the mushrooms and cooked them until they released their juices (which is the coolest concept!) I ended up doing this in two batches because I have a ridiculously small frying pan, which probably added to my complete hysteria at the end of this experience.

Meanwhile, I had already cooked the brown rice in my rice cooker, and tried to mash it into the beans. I think ideally I was supposed to do this in a food processor (according to one of the recipes I looked at), so maybe that was part of the problem? Anyway, I just pounded the crap out of the beans for awhile, added the onion/mushroom mixture, and then continued to mash. I added salt and pepper, tasted it, added more, added cayenne, tasted it, gave up in frustration for a couple minutes, and then added an egg. At this point I was so hungry that I half-heartedly tossed a ball of the mixture onto the frying pan and tried to keep it contained in a patty-like shape while it cooked. After attempting to flip it a couple times I added some slices of cheddar, and then ate it with baked sweet potato and roasted kale. The meal itself tasted pretty good, but then again I was ravenous, so who really knows?

After eating, I went back to my bowl of veggie burger failure and added about a 1/4 cup of cheddar cheese (crumbled, for lack of grater). Then, I formed patties with the rest of the mixture and lined them on a greased baking sheet and baked them for 10 minutes at 375. I flipped them (I use this phrase liberally, since flipping the patties resulted in utter chaos on the baking sheet) and baked them a little longer. I wasn't really keeping track of time at this point because I was depressed, and still sort of hungry. My ultimate product looked okay- the patties almost kept their shape while I transferred them to tinfoil squares for wrapping and freezing. But, based on my previous experiences, I know they are bound to crumble at the first non-spatula touch, so I am bracing myself for several weeks of crumbly black bean concoctions.

Black bean burger salad: mixed with corn, edamame, grape tomatoes, and spinach with homemade balsamic vinaigrette. Delicious, but not exactly what I had envisioned for a veggie burger!